Doctor Apprehensiveness

    "... a needle's pain is only helpful and temporary where as Lupus doesn't help anyone but itself."

     Do you know the feeling you get when you go to the doctor and feel so apprehensive. It doesnt even matter what it is but you dont want to do it. You may not even feel like being bothered. For me going to the doctor is a chore. First you start with getting a referral also known as a permission sleep to see the doctor you need to see. For me I see a primary care doctor, a rheumatologist, dermatologist, pulmonologist and all those fun "ologists". But after you have aquired your referral to go see the doctor that you must see. You then proceed to call your doctors office and wait on the line listening to the millions of horrible tunes on repeat which are a regurgitation of adams family elevator music or even worse "trying to be hip" commercial tunes. 



     Finally! You have gotten through to the secretary, who puts you on hold to the other secretary who may not even know she is working in a doctors office until finally you have made your appointment! Cheers to these ears! Now we are at the doctor. For me I instantly feel uncomfortable although the white and pastel walls often are suppose to give us a false sense of calm and quiet. But sometimes with having a chronic illness if its not one kind of news its something else you may not want to hear. My personal experience with apprehensiveness besides not wanting to hear bad news also correlates with the amounth of blood and urine tests I have to do. I usually get taken 4-9 viles of blood which leave you limp as well as weak and craving fast, greasy food.



      My apprehensiveness for bad news controls my psychi sometimes. It can be a traumatic experience, one that I have had to journalize on many occation but I believe it can definetly mess with someones inner being and willingness to accept optimism. Where as some people have a fear of needles (which I dont) I say bring it on! There really isnt anything worse these needles can do to me. On the other hand a needle's pain is only helpful and temporary where as Lupus doesn't help anyone but itself. I always pick myself up after these doctors visits with talking to a friend on the "butter to my rice" My mom...who then takes me shopping :)